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WHAT IS LOVE?

admin — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 14:04:04 +0000

Trying to define love is a difficult task. Besides loving a spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, people can love their children, parents, siblings, pets, country, or God, as well as rainbows, chocolate sundaes, or the Boston Red Sox. Although the English language has only one word to apply to each of these situations, there are clearly different meanings involved.

When we talk about person-to-person love, the simplest definition may be one given by Robert Heinlein in the book Stranger in a Strange Land: “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” This is certainly the love that Shakespeare described in Romeo and Juliet, that popular singers celebrates, and that led Edward VIII to abdicate the throne of England to marry the woman in his life.

In any type of love, the element of caring about the loved person is essential. Unless genuine caring is present, what looks like love may be just one form of desire. For example, a teenage boy may tell his girlfriend “I love you” just to convince her to have sex with him. In other cases, the desire to gain wealth, status, or power may lead a person to pretend to love someone to reach these goals.

Because sexual desire and love may both be passionate and all-consuming, it may be difficult to distinguish between them in terms of intensity. The key feature is the substance behind the feeling. Generally, sexual desire is narrowly focused and rather easily discharged while love is a more complex and constant emotion. In pure, unadulterated sexual desire, the elements of caring and respect are minimal, perhaps present as an afterthought, but not a central part of the feeling. The desire to know the other person is defined in only a physical or sensual way, not in a spiritual one. This end is easily satisfied. While love may include a passionate yearning for sexual union, respect for the loved one is a primary concern. Without respect and caring, our attraction for another person can only be an imitation of love.

Respect allows us to value a loved one’s identity and integrity and thus prevents us from selfishly exploiting them.

The importance of caring and respect was central to the thinking of Erich Fromm influenced all subsequent study of this subject. Fromm believed that people can achieve a meaningful type of love only if they have first reached a state of self-realization (being secure in one’s own identity). Thus, Fromm defined mature love as “union under the condition of preserving one’s integrity, one’s individuality,” and noted that the paradox of love is that “beings become one and yet remain two.” In speaking about the respect inherent in all love, Fromm suggested that a lover must feel, “I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me.”

Fromm’s insistence that people must be self-realized before having a “meaningful” type of love overlooks that love itself can be a way of attaining self-realization. We believe that people have a great capacity to learn about themselves from a love relationship, although we also agree with the psychologist Nathaniel Branden’s observation that love cannot be a substitute for personal identity.

Peele and Brodsky, authors of a book called Love and Addiction, have an interesting viewpoint on what happens when respect and caring are missing from a love relationship. They believe that some relationships of this variety serve the same needs that-can lead people to alcohol abuse or drug addiction. The resulting “love” is really a dependency relationship:

When a person goes to another with the aim of filling a void in himself, the relationship quickly becomes the center of his or her life. It offers him a solace that contrasts sharply with what he finds everywhere else, so he returns to it more and more, until he needs it to get through each day of his otherwise stressful and unpleasant existence. When a constant exposure to something is necessary in order to make life bearable, an addiction has been brought about, however romantic the trappings. The ever-present danger of withdrawal creates an ever-present craving.

Peele and Brodsky suggest specific criteria for distinguishing between love as a healthy relationship with growth potential versus love as a form of addiction:

Does each lover have a secure belief in his or her own value?

Are the lovers improved by the relationship? By some measure outside of the relationship are they better, stronger, more attractive, more accomplished, or more sensitive individuals? Do they value the relationship for this very reason?

Do the lovers maintain serious interests outside the relationship, including other meaningful personal relationships?

Is the relationship integrated into, rather than being set off from, the totality of the lovers’ lives?

Are the lovers beyond being possessive or jealous of each other’s growth and expansion of interests?

Are the lovers also friends? Would they seek each other out if they should cease to be primary partners?

These questions are not listed to suggest that there is only one “right” way to love. While most people in love probably can not answer “yes” to all six questions, thinking about these issues may give you some ideas for present or future relationships.

As a practical matter, it is often difficult to draw a line between loving and liking. Although various researchers have tried to measure love, we agree with the observation “The only real difference’ between liking and loving is the depth of our feelings and the degree of our involvement with the other person”

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CAN A MALE PARTNER PROLONG HIS EJACULATION?

admin — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 12:42:21 +0000

Yes, by diverting his mind during intercourse to some other topic and diminishing the pelvic thrust in frequency and force.

Can ejaculation be painful experience to a man?

Yes, males occasionally complain of severe pain during ejaculation. Pain is more evident by the face expression of male. It may be the result of inflammed prostate gland or due to strong contractions of ejaculatory muscles, or if male has gone for intercourse against his desire, sharing a guilt or after incest or having sexual conflicts.

What is retrograde ejaculation?

Occasionally a man with normal erection fails to ejaculate no matter how hard he tries. Ejaculation reflex is there but instead of flowing out it emits into the urinary bladder. Pleasure remains the same. It may result after certain long illness and due to consumption of tranquilisers. In it external uretheral sphincter closes and the internal sphincter opens.

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CAN A MALE PARTNER PROLONG HIS EJACULATION?Yes, by diverting his mind during intercourse to some other topic and diminishing the pelvic thrust in frequency and force.Can ejaculation be painful experience to a man?Yes, males occasionally complain of severe pain during ejaculation. Pain is more evident by the face expression of male. It may be the result of inflammed prostate gland or due to strong contractions of ejaculatory muscles, or if male has gone for intercourse against his desire, sharing a guilt or after incest or having sexual conflicts.What is retrograde ejaculation?Occasionally a man with normal erection fails to ejaculate no matter how hard he tries. Ejaculation reflex is there but instead of flowing out it emits into the urinary bladder. Pleasure remains the same. It may result after certain long illness and due to consumption of tranquilisers. In it external uretheral sphincter closes and the internal sphincter opens.*134\301\2*

INVESTIGATION IN GENITAL ULSERS 2

admin — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:46:54 +0000

Demonstration of spirochaetes by dark ground microscopy confirms the diagnosis of early syphilis. Antibiotics or antiseptics should not be used until satisfactory examination has been completed. Dark ground examination is not suitable for oral lesions.

Although the diagnosis can usually be made on clinical grounds, HSV infection should be confirmed by culture of the virus or, more rapidly, by examination of smears for multinucleated cells and characteristic intranuclear inclusions (Tzank smear) or by the use of commercially available kits for the detection of HSV antigens by ELISA or immunofluorescence techniques (see p.34).

The diagnosis of donovanosis is established by the demonstration of the causative organisms in smears from scrapings or in biopsies from lesions. The organism can be identified as bipolar rods in large mononuclear cells (see p.30). The features of chancroid and of lymphogranuloma venereum are described on pages 31 and 32 respectively.
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SEROLOGY; INVESTIGATION OF GENITAL ULCERS

admin — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 08:41:09 +0000

Serological tests provide indirect evidence of infection and are useful in the diagnosis of some STDs, notably syphilis, HIV infection and hepatitis B. The non-specific reagin tests are also useful in the follow up of treament of early syphilis. The role of serology in the diagnosis of other STDs is limited. Seroconversion or a four-fold increase in litre of chlamydial antibodies in paired serum samples may retrospectively confirm chlamydial infection. A high titre of IgG antibody and the presence of IgM antibody probably indicates recent active infection and negative serology may exclude chlamydial infection

Serological tests have no role in the diagnosis of HSV infection. The only possible role for serology is to define persons who are seronegative and therefore susceptible.

The various causes of genital ulceration including herpes, syphilis, donovanosis, chancroid, lymphogranuloma venereum, cutaneous amoebiasis and neoplasms may be distinguished by appropriate tests. Scrapings from ulcers after removal of the crust, exudate and debris can be examined directly and by culture on specific media leading to presumptive or definitive diagnosis. In some conditions, particularly if the diagnosis of malignancy must be excluded, biopsy is appropriate. Serology is important in the diagnosis of syphilis.
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